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Rachael Ray could be Joel Robuchon to my family, so technically demanding and exotic are her dishes. To those with whom I share a genetic bond, primary sources of culinary inspiration include Parade magazine and Campbell’s soup labels. Not that anyone in my family would notice. I know it seems redundant to have duck right before Thanksgiving, but I was going to make this sweet potato hash by cooking the potatoes in duck fat, as a kind of ultimate designer side dish for Thanksgiving. So I bought this duck, which I cooked the day before Thanksgiving. My sister Lisa, you see, is a reverse hoarder. She regaled us later with wide-eyed tales of having to watch in horror as cocktail napkins and brownie crumbs fell to the carpet, “and I couldn’t vacuum them for hours! I had to just STAND there and watch!” Except for the kitchen and adjacent small family room, which occasionally get used due to absolute necessity, the majority of my sister’s McMansion appears to be theoretical.
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Oh my sister entertained-once, under great pressure from her now ex-husband, who had some crazy notion of using the many acres of their expensively-furnished home to socialize with other humans. On the mantle, the immaculately antiqued ‘welcome friends’ duck in Williamsburg blue has never actually been disturbed by mingling, chattering, welcomed friends. In her McMansion’s soccer-field sized kitchen, the array of high-end appliances gleam across great vistas of bare granite countertop the couch cushions in her hanger-like ‘great room’ have never been marred by a human ass print. If my sister were say…a suicide bomber…the paradise awaiting her after blowing up the school bus would be an infinite supply of cluttered refrigerators, which she could obsessively empty and clean. She lives for the pristine, empty space which hosts only, well, a kind of romanticized possibility of living. Except my sister Lisa is the total opposite of that. She’s like those people on hoarders, whose collections of empty cat food cans form miniature housing projects in the living room, next to the prized head of rotten cabbage from the Clinton years. This is the story of how the Crochet Hook of Fate got busy on my sister Lisa and the duck.Īs far as I can tell, there is no object or substance on planet earth that my sister Lisa isn’t happy to throw right in the garbage.
![tale of 2 wastelands mushroom smoothie tale of 2 wastelands mushroom smoothie](https://64.media.tumblr.com/30fe36b7bd0290db8429c70a6fc0dd57/tumblr_ph5w3gSJEs1sn5m44o9_1280.jpg)
Also: my sister Lisa is crazy, a fact that I often forget. I was in South Carolina, where my parents now live. Example: The day before Thanksgiving, I roasted a duck. Namely, that my sister is not actually crazy, just eccentric in sometimes maddening ways.įate has a way of knitting together random crap into what becomes our lives.
TALE OF 2 WASTELANDS MUSHROOM SMOOTHIE LICENSE
Note: a small amout of poetic license has been taken in the following true-life account.